I don't know if you know
how my days where blended in sorrow

I don't know if you know
how hard it's been for me to swim with the flow.

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Seeking the blue bird of happiness ?

The art of being happy
lies in the power
of extracting happiness
from common things. 

                                                                                                                      ___Henry Ward Beecher

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there remains no word to bespoken

there's no use to try to cry out or unburden

trapped inside like a captive like a slave

the body and soul gradually turning into a grave

sometimes voices better go dead

sometimes things are better be left unsaid.

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Voices inside have started telling me you can't you can't you can't....

Fear, doubts and anxiety are whispering in my ears,

need to be strong to ignore and shake them off !

Oh... i need a mighty power !

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Where else can I find peace and happiness if  I can't find it within ?

How can I expect others to love me if am not able to love myself ?

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Sometimes mood swing is a total eclipse of the heart

Sometimes Life becomes a never ending challenge.

I don't believe in chasing crazy dreams.

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"The 'tongue' is the most unruly member of the body. You can either 'make' or 'break' someone with your tongue. I know that may sound humorous, but it is so true. We may be able to take back a lot of things, but we can never take back words spoken. That is why we must always watch what we say, and only speak the truth."

my dear newly discovered American friend Linda wrote me this precious advice the other day which I need to read and reread, keep in mind and never forget

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patience pays

Early morning was spent sometime on TV; I was witnessing Chili miners being rescued. The overjoyed faces when they met the family member after they reached the surface stepping on the ground was really worth watching to share the true joy and delight. I could feel a lump in my throat when each waiting family member wiped off their wet eyes every now and then.

Fortunately they got their reward; the family reunion and joyful smiles was not the work of any TV company , it was just real.

it's more than a new lesson . it's life and all about it. Patience pays

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Each day is a new lesson

Could be worse

This too will pass

I learned these two phrases today  which I can deeply feel and realize the true meaning

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Self confidence is a necessity or else I will turn into a donkey

The thought of past, people and all that has happened to me through the 45 years is haunting me like never before .. I don't like to share them with you or anybody else I don wanna share it with me either since its no use to go over the past salting the wounds.
I'd rather close the lid and throw the whole bottle out to the sea and whoever gets it shall do the same letting it immerse and absorb enough water maybe the dried up tears would flow pour out to the sea .. so the bottle feels released sailing back to me again .. maybe.

  To be a wolf or a tigress is so easy and to be donkey is not as easy as u imagine .. I would have to carry so much burden though nobody was ever pleased with me but wait what about being a real lady ?  I  have tried them all with the unique hidden potentials that I've already got from Dunno Where Land. A dear friend suggested be a lady and i replied thats easy too .. I've got that hidden potential also I only have to drag it out, a little bit dusting and cleaning and then watch it shine.

I'm learning to say no to people fighting against my own shyness or any lack of self confidence. This is another new lesson to me a new challenge, another battleship that needs lots of self confidence, energy, iron,Vitamin B and a very calm and polite attitude to face people so ladies stand up follow me; don't let be used like a tool show them all you are a lady not a donkey anymore. It works out they will even respect us, yes it works i tried.

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my mind has been crazy inside these past few days.. sleeplessness sneering and mocking.

Again he begs and ask me to take a rest and a cease fire and keep quite so he can  dozzzze offff.. the white flags are up; lucky me to be married to a dear lamb; I would swallow him up if I were a wolf ..but am not though one of my so called friends enjoys calling me a wolf mockingly thinking shes very funny ..u know I really need much stronger  teeth/tooth to become a real wolf ! (usually forget which form is the plural)

She better called me a tigress :P
how many more days will I be a clown thats something nobody can tell.. God only knows

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this is a joke but maybe %50 true !

 You already know if you have taken a look into my profile that I am not into politics not only it makes me scared but also because i simply know Nothing about the issue. You ask me about a snake and i know nothing about that weired animal so i get scared just the same.

When I go into a social gathering meaning dinner parties weddings birthday parties etc .. i wish that i had brought my own pillow and could take a nap in a quiet corner unnoticed. wanna know why ? Because females are mostly discussing their make up or hair does or domestic affair or gossiping trivialities & males discussing cars and politics these are all things i dont give a damn about so it seeems I am in the middle of A Middle Age Crisis .. yeah that might B the problem , but surely i didn't brought it up manually; it came up with age ,, I am 45 now am I growing old ?? ! ! ah  now ladies you get scared of discussing your ages .. huh but I am not.  Age simply doesn't matter to me as long as am happy in peace the wrinkles at the corner of  lips just adds to the beauty in my opinion, the growing white hair can b dyed and here my opinion now is the most important not any body's else !.. I simply throw up my shoulder to whoever who mocks.

My middle sized son makes me smile sometimes. He tells me this joke the other day and i took it as a politic joke. read it then decide for yourself :

In a national gathering authorities from all over the world sit, negotiate and discuss the world affair.

There was a question asked for discussion :

Wots ur opinion about the lack of food in other countries ? 
Everybody kept staring at the speaker without a single reply just nodding their head dumbfounded and stupefied because :

the European knew nothing about lacks

the African knew nothing about food

the American knew nothing about other countries 

and the Iranian knew nothing about opinions.
How could they discuss something they simply knew nothing about? ;) 

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